Thursday, November 5, 2015

Of Rampages and Demons and Stuff

For anyone who hasn't read my posts from 2012, I became a zombie on Halloween 2005 in a necromantic ritual performed by what I can only assume was a group of very drunk college students. I have never elaborated on this, because I was trying to keep the site's content light, and quite frankly it's kind of an uncomfortable subject for me.

That said, the nature of my zombification has shaped my life and personality to date.  I'm smarter and faster than the classic shambling, Romero-esque zombie...and also technically part demon.

No, really.

Now, for the most part, my demon-half is pretty dormant.  As long as I keep my temper in check, my inner demon stays asleep.  Unless, of course, it's Halloween. Then it goes insane.

Demons hate pumpkins.

I'm not sure if it's the inherent nature of the day, or just because it's the day I died, but I turn into a bloodthirsty monster on Halloween.  And I hate it.  I hate not being in control. I hate that I might seriously injure or kill people close to me, and I hate that there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Normally, I try to avoid rampaging by trapping myself in a cage in a basement or something, and it worked for a while.  But when I was making the preparations to lock myself away this year, I thought, why bother? I hardly know any of the people in this town, and it's not like any of them actually like me or even trust me anyway, so would it really hurt if I let myself rampage for a night? And I did and I killed I don't know how many people and I skipped town the next morning and what scares me is I think I'm losing touch with humanity and I don't want to become a monster.....I can't become a monster..........

To distract from that mental breakdown,
here's a cat in a box! 

So yeah, I moved.  This new town's pretty nice, but who knows how long I'll be here. There's been some speculation about whether I'm in college now, and the answer is no, I'm not. Since the incident, I've been moving around a lot, but I haven't settled down for long enough to even think about college, and to be honest, I don't really have any plans for the foreseeable future. Who knows, maybe I'll adopt a kitten.

From the wrong side of sanity,
Chris

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Curiosity killed the Martians (Probably)

So, I know I'm about a week late to this topic, but GUYS THERE'S WATER ON MARS!  Recently, NASA discovered certain hydrated salts, which can only be detected for a short time after water has been present in a certain area.  These basically confirm that a whole bunch of dark streaks (called recurring slope linage) on the planet's surface were, in fact, probably created by water.  Anyone who wants to read about the science in more detail, can do so here.

Naturally, this has a number of implications, including the idea that a manned journey to Mars has suddenly become a lot more feasible.

Little do they know, the tardigrades colonized Mars
thousands of years before humans even existed.

What really interested me, though, was that this proves that there is very probably microbial life on Mars.  Either that or some form of life we can't even begin to comprehend.  Although none of the news articles I read seemed to consider that second possibility, which I think is a major oversight on their part.

Either way, the probable existence of life on Mars means aliens in general probably exist, and proof of the existence of aliens will probably settle, once and for all, whether or not we are alone in the universe.  You know, probably.

Also, due to the probable existence of life on Mars, certain Mars rovers, like Curiosity, have been forbidden from going near the water deposits.  Apparently, a treaty (aptly named the "Outer Space Treaty") exists between all Earth nations forbidding anyone to send a robot to an extraterrestrial water deposit without first irradiating it to the point of uselessness (to kill any potentially harmful Earth bugs).

This is, of course, assuming that Curiosity isn't
already covered in invisible Martian moss.

So, despite how funny it may be to picture Curiosity lumbering, Wall-E style, over Martian terrain for a year, just to confirm something we probably already know, it's probably for the best if the robots stay sufficiently far away from any Martian rivers.  Probably.

And, although I personally find the idea that water is essential to the survival of all life a bit restricting, it is the best lead we have in the quest for extraterrestrials, so we might as well follow it.

Until next time, from beyond the stars,
Chris

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Entropy

Entropy is defined as a lack of order or predictability, or the natural inclination for things to fall into chaos.  In less wordy words, it means things change, usually by way of total societal collapse, in the most melodramatic fashion possible.  Or, failing that, by a convoluted mixture of laziness, random chance, and luck, with the occasional dash of poetic justice thrown in for laughs.  I like entropy because it's a soft pretty word meant to describe a generally loud, unpleasant topic.  It defines change as a giant butterfly knocking down a house of cards.

The butterfly effect is real.  Fear it.

I recently realized that I have not updated this blog in the past two years, which is contrary to my original goal of spreading zombie awareness, which would probably require posting slightly more often than never.  Honestly, I've been meaning to get around to it, but it turns out you process time a little differently when you realize you are never going to change.  Ever.  No matter how many giant butterflies are fluttering around you.  Time sure flies when you're undead.

That being said, my house of cards was by no means immune to the hypothetical swarm of giant butterflies.  Prior to my last post in 2013, things were looking up.  I mean, no major disasters had happened since Christmas, and the most I was worrying about was making it through my senior year of high school.  Unfortunately, we were ambushed by a group of zombie hunters shortly afterward.  The actual attack and ensuing weeks are a complete blank for me.  I have absolutely no idea what happened.  I do know that about a month later I woke up covered in blood in an abandoned warehouse two states away.

Naturally, I immediately returned to our house, only to discover that it had been burned to the ground.  Since then, I've been wandering, just trying to stay out of trouble.  I have no idea where any of the other members of the society are, or even if they're still alive.  Honestly, it's probably better that way.  Like it or not, large groups of zombies are dangerous, even if they are friendly.

Stupid giant butterflies


......................WOW that was depressing.  Also weird.  And disjointed.  I apologize.

Anyway, in recent months, I've been trying to pull my unlife back together, and I wanted to continue the blog.  When I started this blog, I wanted to post at least once a week.  Now, I look back on my younger self and scoff.  I'll try to update regularly, but I'm not one for keeping schedules.  If you like what I write, great! But I'm rebuilding a very large house of cards, and giant butterflies are not known for their negotiation skills.......

With love and brains,
Chris

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Metamorphosis

So, apparently today is Franz Kafka's birthday.  For anyone who doesn't know, he's the guy who wrote Metamorphosis (the one where the guy turns into a dung beetle), which I've recently had to read for summer English homework.
Honestly, I like the Google doodle better than the actual book.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

UPDATES!!!!

*pokes head around corner*
Um...sorry I haven't posted in over two months.....I've been super busy....with finals and AP tests and stuff......please don't kill me!
But, a lot of stuff happened during my radio silence.

  • I was going to do an Easter post, but Jim's old friend - sorry, acquaintance - Edward showed up and decided to crash for a while.  And, while Ed is, in all fairness, a pretty cool guy, he tends to disregard human life a little more than we'd like, so we try to keep him under close watch when he's in town.  Fortunately, his two week visit passed without major incident.
  • Cherri's and Robert's birthdays happened! Yay!
  • My birthday's tomorrow! Yay!
  • Jace successfully graduated high school! Yay!
  • Jess tricked Jace into eating a piece of turkey about a month ago.  He got really upset, but he's back to his usual, vegetarian self.
  • Last week, I started working on a way to reduce the size of the visors to compensate for Robert's glasses.  I'm still in the planning stages, but with any luck I'll have results before the new school year starts in August.
And that...brings you up to date.  I'll try not to stay dormant for too long any more....

Friday, March 29, 2013

Life Lesson Learned

Contrary to popular belief, the laws of physics apply to electric mixers.  In other words, if your mixers are covered in cake batter and you turn them on, cake batter will go flying everywhere.....

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

True Story

We broke into the theatre teacher's office with the principal's keys.